I have various philosophies that are uniquely mine.

Goat travel is my essence, and

"There is nothing that cannot be done. Reasons for not being able to do something are just excuses. If you give up because the possibility is low, you have simply chosen not to do it. "

is just embodying that.
Honestly, I've had this way of thinking since I was a child. Still, during my adolescence, I was very negative, blamed others, and made excuses for not acting by listing reasons why I "couldn't do it."
I haven't completely escaped from it yet.

But I had to change.

"Even with just money and titles, your stomach won't be filled."
"Don't resent or envy others. Polish yourself and enjoy yourself."
"It's not someone else's fault. It's your choice."
"Don't pretend to have seen the unseen. Don't assume that what you saw is the whole truth."
"Rather than pursuing the truth, always update what is right for you."
"Be grateful for what and who is in front of you."
"Look for small joys. Share them. Happiness can be shared. It will come back to you someday."
"My strength is directed towards the strong, and I fight for the weak."

It's like I have my own set of ten commandments. The essence of this hasn't changed since I became aware of myself. Well, in a sense, it's eternal chuunibyou (lol)

Even so, I don't know how many books I've read to internalize these things.
I don't know how many people I've asked.
Every day, whenever I had free time, I'd go to Kinokuniya and devour philosophy and psychology books one after another, and I'd be at Kinokuniya from morning till night on weekends. When I could skip, I'd skip school and cram school, not play, and just read books.
When I got money, I'd buy books and read them alone in a corner of a local coffee shop while drinking iced milk tea.
I used the PC chat function that was popular at the time to discuss philosophy, psychology, animal thoughts and evolution from veterinary and virology perspectives with people 30 or 40 years older than me every night (lol). I had 10 windows open and was operating at full capacity like Prince Shotoku, but it was the most fulfilling time, and I enjoyed it the most.


The source of my motivation was simply: "Adults who are busy with things that won't kill them are too mysterious."
We are humans, just like animals, so shouldn't we just put our all into living?
Rather, aren't we humans, and because we can speak, shouldn't we be able to live more easily?
To understand that, I thought I needed to know human psychology, evolution, and structure.

Maybe I was just looking for a place to vent my frustrations with reality.

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There are still things I can't overcome, or rather, things I haven't come to terms with.

That is, I hate "money."


Ever since I can remember, I've hated a society where money talks, and I hated it so much.
In a way, I lived in a home steeped in money, never wanting for food, able to go to school, and lived a life of luxury, but I clearly saw the negative aspects born from money.
I saw adults who lived superficially, and their hearts were abnormally poor.

Living superficially might be normal for everyone, but I don't think it's an act that should be absolutely affirmed, even if it's to protect oneself, by hurting others.
Furthermore, I think it's wrong to blame others when you prioritize "money" and choose not to change your situation.
I hate that kind of whining. Well, I absolutely don't want to be like that... or rather, I can't accept it, that's my honest feeling.

To be honest, even if my past negative self were to talk to me now and ask me to sympathize with their whining, I couldn't.
Now, unlike when I was a child, I'm always serious, not superficial, so the time I spend with friends who engage with me on the same energetic level is the most enjoyable.

When I was a child, I had friends who always went all out and were always serious with me.

That was "nature."
I was a sheltered girl, but playing with money was truly boring, and I didn't understand the fun of Disneyland. The most enjoyable things were interacting with animals, climbing fences and trees to eat fruits. In Tokyo back then, there were still quite a few large trees left.
Loquats, mulberries. I'd suck on azaleas, eat wild strawberries... I'd fight with crows over ripe fruit, compete with cats for priority on the fence, and realize I couldn't beat insects when attacked by caterpillars. "Nature's form" always faced me seriously.
I used to tell myself that the top of the fence wasn't private property! The fruit hanging over the fence didn't belong to anyone! Now I know that's not allowed~

I'd look for red soil to make Jomon pottery, cut leaves with obsidian given in class and try boiling them.
I'd grind acorns and mix them with flour to bake.
I'd listen to trees with a stethoscope.
I'd sneak onto the roof of an apartment building and lie on my back, just staring at the clouds.
I'd greet the air, thinking that the air and wind would never appear before me in the same way twice.

Well, I was quite a dangerous kid (lol)
I'm still a dangerous kid who greets cats, sings with the wind, and tries to resonate with water (lol)




"Nature" was my best friend and the most fun time.
It was also a time when I strongly felt human ego.

There was a time when I bothered someone's husky, and it almost bit off my ear.
While bleeding profusely, I cried and pleaded, "The dog isn't wrong! Don't blame the dog!" (lol) The adults scolded the dog, but since I was the one who bothered it, I thought it was a "human-centric" way of thinking to get angry at the dog.
Also, the idea that animals "don't understand, don't think, don't listen" to humans is also ego. Even if they don't understand words, I can read the emotions and true feelings of people and animals. It's not 100% accurate, but there's a connection between living beings that most people forget. And those people, deep down, believe their values are "truth, justice, and absolute."

...Looking back, I think I was too negative, and the people around me were also very negative, creating an environment full of negativity, so I was only focusing on biased aspects.



Well, in that way, a socially maladjusted, negative person was gradually completed ( ´∀｀ )



By the way, during my adolescence, my daily routine was to sneak out of the second-floor window at night and play mahjong with friends all night. I'd take about 10 seconds to take a step, trying not to leave footprints on the eaves or make any noise (lol). Flinching at every creak of the wood, I'd jump from the second floor barefoot and escape ( ´∀｀ ).
Sometimes I'd ride my motorcycle to Odaiba or Shonan, and even go swimming in the sea at night in winter (lol). My PC was taken away, so I had no choice but to go outside~ But it was super fun 👍
Since getting caught would be a big deal, I made a dummy that looked like a person with a lumpy futon and a glimpse of a wig, a rather genius creation, and went out. Of course, on the way back, I'd climb up the drainpipe and return home through the window like a thief.

It was incredibly fun. Even though I was having fun, I was super negative, and back then they marketed me as a mysterious girl (lol). By this point, I was so rebellious, I was nothing but an "Ojou Yankee" (lol).



I was told countless times, "It must be nice being a rich girl," and "You're so lucky."
But in my heart, I was screaming, "That's not it!!!"
The rich girl from the outside and the rich girl from the inside are completely different!!! I thought. Well, even if I screamed, everyone else wasn't aware of their own happiness, and they probably didn't have the capacity to understand because they had too many problems right in front of them. I wish I could tell my past self that, but as they say, the grass is always greener on the other side...

Having a family by default,

Having conversations,

Eating meals my parents made,

Having a relationship where we could even fight,

Being able to freely eat McDonald's,

Taking Purikura photos,

Being able to go out and play freely.

That is the happiest thing in the world, and relationships and happiness can't be achieved with money alone.




Honestly, there was a time when I thought that if I just had enough money for myself, I could gain freedom and happiness.
That's why I started working as a hostess. But after doing it, I realized that even seeing customers who had plenty of money to spend freely, they still weren't happy or free. Neither the super-rich nor the moderately rich were happy based on money; not a single person. For myself, even when I dressed up and adorned myself beautifully, we just praised each other's superficial beauty with superficial words, and in reality, we despised each other, making it a hellish place.

So I thought I should find fulfillment! And there was a period when I was completely absorbed in work.
I juggled triple jobs and side hustles, volunteered, and there were times when I was incredibly busy down to the minute. But I couldn't achieve mental freedom. Instead, as my money increased, my time decreased. As my work increased and my money grew, my expenses also increased. I was swayed by others, and my sense of self disappeared. For me, this was nothing but a stress-amplifying gear.

Even with volunteering, while saying "for others!", I realized that ultimately everyone is only thinking of their own benefit, which made me mentally spiral alone.
And peaking in my 20s, I became extremely rebellious and acted out. I drank alcohol, took psychiatric medication, and even when sober, I was out of control (lol)

Then, I suppressed the part of me that pursued philosophy.

Furthermore, my dislike for money is related to a severe trauma.

Because of money, I lost the most important person in my life right before my eyes when I was a child.
My loved one died because of 'having money and power.'
Furthermore, a ruthless struggle began over money, ego, and vanity in front of the deceased.

That's why I hate 'money.'

I like people who are honest about saying, 'I love money more than anything!' I really like them. I find it interesting that our values are completely opposite.
However, I dislike people who say, 'People are the most important!' while discarding others.
I studied the art of leadership as part of my education, but in essence, interpretations change within people, and directions change based on values.
It seemed to me that most people view stepping on others as a given, equating it with money.

What I want to cherish is not money.
I want my experiences to be a hint for solving someone's suffering. I don't want to become an emperor, nor do I want to be at the center of people's attention. If I am to become successful, I want to be successful as a professional who makes people's lives better.
I want to present one unconventional option from the various troubles I've resolved as a single line of light, along with my current self. Sometimes it might involve exploiting loopholes in the law, operating in a gray area rather than being completely legal.

But what I cherish is:
'Respecting people, making sincere efforts while adhering to the rules and manners of being human.'
That is my everything, what I have done, and what I can do.

And it's not just between people. It's about respecting the rules and manners of animals, respecting other living beings, and making sincere efforts. Even within the food chain of the strong preying on the weak, that respect is never lost. It's not about ideas like veganism or vegetarianism, but rather about being grateful for what I receive and never wanting to waste it. There's also the issue of fur, but I believe that taking a life means making that life circulate entirely. I don't think wasting is a form of respect.




In Japan, it's said that gods reside even in rice grains, but you don't often see people who eat every single grain of rice cleanly. It's the same with my way of thinking; in essence, it's a Japanese trait, but in reality, it's very unusual in Japan. That's why, by asserting myself, I've faced resentment, been ostracized, and had even my subjective opinions denied. In a world where everyone lives superficially, I became unable to escape negative thinking and thought, "I don't want to do anything anymore!" When I stopped acting, the beings who saw through me were the "goats." They found me.

Those eyes see through the essence of people. If I slack off on my actions, they can see it. That's how it felt. It's not something with any meaning or basis, just a feeling. Their eyes are surprisingly calm, and they present unspoken truths from a third-person perspective, like "Hmm," appearing like a mirror of myself. They are calm, realistic, and even intimidating, yet they simply stay by my side, eating my clothes and grass without saying a word.



If you look at goats with human common sense, you might think, "They don't think at all." But I don't think so, and even if they didn't, their eyes possess a healing power and strength that disciplines me.


That's why I want to live with goats.

I want to live the rest of my life without regrets.

To avoid stopping myself from opening my own shell, the philosophy of life I nurture with the goats I've chosen. This is my goat journey philosophy.

I voice my opinions, even against those stronger than me.
However, to avoid being irresponsible, I desperately gather information, ask questions, learn, and think.

To be blunt, I don't think I have a shred of "conformity."

That's why I'm often told I'm "strong."

I want to use this strength not to protect myself, but for others.



It might be idealistic.
But when I directly confront someone who "uses their power to utter negative words," the attack mostly turns towards me. And that's fine. My strength won't waver from a little negativity pushed my way (lol)

To protect others, I will be shrewd when necessary.
Even if it puts me at a financial disadvantage, my heart will be fulfilled. I want to live a life like that.
To continue these actions, I want to live with goats.<