(with Goat///)
I’m a bit of a weirdo living in Malaysia—someone who’s a little off her rocker.
I have my own set of philosophies.
At the core of them all is this:
Instead of listing all the “reasons why I can’t” and giving up, I choose to live my life taking responsibility for my own choices.
That’s my essence, and it’s the way of life I call my “Goat Journey.”
During my teenage years, I was mired in negativity, blaming others for everything, and constantly looking for reasons not to act.
I haven’t completely shaken that off even now.
But.
I had to change. To bet on my chances of survival, I had to change.
In fact, until I found myself in such a critical situation, I hadn’t truly focused on “changing my way of thinking.”
After navigating countless struggles and dark times, and through repeated reading and dialogue, I’ve internalized my “Ten Commandments for Living.”
1. The Philosophy of the “Ten Commandments” That Shape Me
- 1. Money and titles alone won’t fill your stomach.
- 2. Don’t resent or envy others. Work on yourself and enjoy life.
- 3. It’s not anyone else’s fault. It’s your own choice.
- 4. Don’t pretend to see what’s invisible. Don’t assume that everything you see is the whole truth.
- 5. Rather than pursuing the absolute truth, constantly update your own sense of what is right.
- 6. Be grateful for the things and people right in front of you.
- 7. Seek out small moments of happiness. Share them with others. Happiness can be shared, and it will come back to you someday.
- 8. True strength is directed toward the strong and used for the sake of the weak.
- 9. There’s nothing you can’t do. Reasons for why you can’t are nothing but excuses.
- 10. Obey the rules and manners expected of a human being, respect others (all living things), and strive with single-minded dedication.
I might just be suffering from “eternal middle-school syndrome” (lol).
But to ensure this philosophy doesn’t remain mere theoretical musings, I’ve been voraciously devouring books since my teens, attending study groups, and staying up late night after night chatting online with experts and researchers in the field about life, psychology, and biological evolution.
The source of my drive is simple.
It’s because “adults who get so worked up over things that won’t even kill them were just too much of a mystery.”
And,
- “Shouldn’t humans, who possess language, be able to live more easily while still giving their all to life?”
- “Shouldn’t everyone be spared the suffering caused by arbitrary personal rules?”
I wanted to understand that contradiction.
2. My Unease with Money and Nature, My “Best Friend”
I’ve always disliked the very concept of “money.”
I grew up in a family that never struggled financially, and I was allowed to live a life of luxury. Precisely because of that, I could see all too clearly—deep in my bones—the “poverty of the human heart” and the “superficial relationships” born of money. I also carry the trauma of losing the most important person in my life right before my eyes during my childhood—a loss caused by money and power—and of witnessing the ugly disputes among adults that unfolded in the face of that death.
That’s why I simply cannot forgive people who claim to “value others” yet cast them aside for the sake of money.
For me, a sheltered girl, my best friend—and the only one who ever faced me “with genuine sincerity”—was “nature.”
- Climbing trees to eat fruit, competing with crows over when the fruit was ripe
- Competing with cats over who gets to walk along the fence first
- Making Jomon pottery out of red clay after the rain, grinding acorns into a paste and trying to bake them
- Lying on the rooftop, greeting the wind and the air—which never take the same form twice
Nature and animals never lied to me at all; they faced me exactly as they were. When a dog nearly bit my ear off, I cried out, “It’s not the dog’s fault! I’m the one who provoked it!” The adults laughed at me, but the world of creatures with whom I could share my emotions and true feelings—even more deeply than through words—is where I began.
3. A Rebellious Youth and the “Happiness” I Couldn’t See
From my late teens onward, my antisocial negativity and destructive impulses accelerated.
Night after night, I’d slip out the second-floor window and, like a thief, climb down the drainpipe to go out and have fun—those were my days as a “rich-girl delinquent.” Every time someone told me, “You’re so lucky,” I’d scream inside, “The ‘rich girl’ seen from the outside is completely different from the one seen from the inside!”
Can freedom be bought with money? I tried working at a hostess club to find out, but all I found there were people who couldn’t fill their hearts, whether they had money or not.
Wondering, “Does a fulfilling life equal happiness?” I threw myself into work, juggled three jobs, and devoted myself to volunteering—but I ended up being controlled by others, losing my sense of self, while the cycle of stress just kept spinning.
Despairing at the sight of people who claimed to act “for others” yet thought only of their own gain, I spent my twenties burying my own philosophy under alcohol, psychiatric medication, and reckless behavior, becoming more and more rebellious.
4. The “Goat” That Woke Me Up
When I was standing still in the darkness, thinking, “I don’t want to do anything anymore,” a “goat” appeared, as if seeing right through me.
The goat’s eyes were surprisingly calm; with an objective, third-party gaze, it seemed to say, “Hmm,” confronting me with silent truths. Whenever I slacked off or tried to fool myself, I felt as though it had seen right through me.
“They say nothing; they just stand there, staring at me while continuing to eat my clothes and the grass.”
Their presence was like a “mirror” reflecting my own lies and self-indulgence. By human standards, they might seem like “animals that don’t think at all,” but their eyes held an overwhelming power to discipline me and save me.
“I want to live with these creatures and spend the rest of my life without regrets.”
When I made that resolution, I reopened the lid on my philosophy. This is the beginning of my “Goat Travel Philosophy.”
5. My Guiding Principles: Updating What Is Right and Giving Back
No matter who I’m dealing with, I speak my mind head-on against injustice and abuse of power. I do not yield to peer pressure or the prevailing sentiment that “everyone else is saying so.” That’s why people around me call me “strong.”
But this strength is not meant to protect myself.
It is to protect the vulnerable.
To turn my own experiences into a “ray of light” that unravels someone else’s suffering.
To offer gratitude and respect to all beings who have given me life and allowed it to flow.
I do not wish to become an emperor, nor do I want to reign as a successful figure. As a “professional” dedicated to making someone’s life even a little better—even if I’m clumsy at it—I want to remain true to myself and to the life right before me.
If I keep thinking and take action, the scenery before me will surely change. I’ll trust the choices I believe are right, respect others, and live my life to the fullest with happiness.
This is my way of life, and my own personal philosophy.
To keep moving forward, I’ll live my life with Yagi.
I’ll never forget to be grateful for the little things each day, and I’ll live with a smile on my face, like a fool.
Ultra-serious, yet ultra-silly.
I have one goal.
“When I leave this world, I want to do so without any regrets about my life, laughing and thanking the people around me.”
For this reason, I’m spending today in Malaysia, laughing like a fool (⌒∇⌒)
Welcome. To a world where every day is HAPPY and carefree.
There’s still so much to do so I can face the end with a smile. There must be so many people out there I can reach out to.
Welcome to my blog‼